Spontaneity, The Realm of Nothing and Discernment

       This post is a big one. Put simply, as the title says, this blog post is about tuning into spontaneity, the realm of nothing and discernment. 

3 separate things, separate areas, yet all interconnecting I suppose. 

For me, these days I am leaning into spontaneity, embracing the unknown. Dipping into deep waters, learning to skate on ice, trying new things that feel intriguing to me. Yes I am talking literally, as well as metaphorically. If you're familiar with my writing or my videos, you'll know this is totally on brand for me. 

Being spontaneous, letting go, while remaining in the driver's seat. Being the observer, the witnessing presence, connecting with my breath, naturally organically safe & secure. All with a playful attitude of embracing a certain element of surprise, yet also has an air of sometimes risky play or adventurous play. That I do my best to keep within my own comfort levels & appropriate boundaries. 

The Realm of Nothing, these days, to me is Meditative States.       Relaxed.        Letting go.            Dreamtime, whether that's daydreaming or sleeping dreamtime.      The space in  between words, in between sounds. The space in between space itself. Strong intuition. Quiet Intuition. 

I find there is a subconscious release and filtering of strong emotional capsules. The river of thoughts & emotions, which likely encapsulates strong energy. 

Allowing my Mind to be at rest, then these capsules are released and looked at from another state of consciousness, to explore and to naturally release or dissolve or transform.

Energy blockages can then be seen, viewed, acknowledged, handled. Perhaps premonitions may also be tapped into or naturally occur. I find that automatically these emotional thought capsules Purify. 

(That is not to negate the very real need and usefulness of professional help, facilitation of self-healing, life-coaching and psychologist etc. When you're down, you're down and we all need guidance and a helping hand. It's okay to shop around to find what therapy or therapists work best for you. That's the basic-basic to me, it either works or it doesn't and you have got to try to get out of your comfort zone and consider diving deeper into your self-awareness/healing. It can be painful at times, like picking at a scab, sometimes feels like you're dying, which in a way you are, in a deeply spiritual and metaphysical way. Again if you are struggling with depression or self-harming ideas, please seek professional help immediately. Please remember, this too shall pass. Bad feelings do not last forever. & Do your best to write a daily gratitude journal, before bed or right when you wake up because whatever I choose to place my attention on, grows, expands and gets bigger. Where Attention Goes, Energy Flows. Attitude of Gratitude is deeply healing. Not as a band-aid or a mask. As a truth exercise and only writing down, today, what am I truly grateful for? Don't take my word for it. Try it and see for yourself, if you want to. As always, there are unlimited tools and if this doesn't resonate with, don't pick it up, simple.)

This post is not about the extreme low-lows, stages of life where we are in need of the help of sometimes the entire village.

This post is for those who are in a certain time-space with their personal development and have a solid foundation to go deeper within. As within, so without, is what they say. 

The realm of nothing can allow one to become IN-Tune with your higher self, in touch with your true nature. In touch with your meditative state on a daily and moment-to-moment basis. Consciously releasing the emotions arising, experience rising beyond these emotional blockages, so as NOT to be suppressed and stored in the subconscious. Yes, own it, feel it & release it.....and in addition, this is more about viewing the inter-PLAY, the Dance of what you are witnessing on that big movie screen, perched in your tree, from a birds eye view. 

Visualizing this way may help you, in taking 10 conscious steps back, NOT to numb out, run away, escape or completely detach yourself. Rather as loving detachment. The "I Am" & "The I Am That"...the journey of self-discovery, self-remembrance, self-realization. That which is beyond words.

Yes, we are here, on Planet Earth, Terra, Pacha Mama! Yet, I have found and am still finding, we are multi-dimensional beings! Everything, to me, IS frequency, energy, vibration. Love this body, be in your body, respect this body, deeply and loving care for your body, is what I say. But do not totally identify with your body, your mind, your emotions. Spirit science, quantum reality, whatever you want to call it.... I think the more in touch one individually gets with their true nature, their true self, which I think is never born & never dies...while also embodying this spirit/energy as best as you can with over-flowing compassion...is one way, one path to re-integrating after all that ick this world seems to throw at you, or throw FOR you? Lol 

Again, I want to come back to Being in your body. Respecting your sacred temple at all times. If you fall you fall, apologize, pick yourself back up. Ho'oponopono y'all. Try it, if you want, play with it, see what happens?

And now Discernment. Oh discernment, all the treasures you have given me! Sure took me long enough, lol. But I guess it takes as long as it takes. Ofcourse this is on-going, like most things in this Earth Realm. But I do feel as though I have turned a corner, truly called for help & provided with help & took action to help myself in this area & I ain't ever going back. Feels like lifetimes ago, when I had that intense lack of discernment lol. But really it was painful, sad, depressing cycles, until I was energetically DONE. Said to myself, I have had enough. 

For me, it really came back to the fact that I only have control of my own thoughts, emotions, actions and choices. I mean there was a tonne of work involved, much needed un-doing work really, like sifting thru tonnes of garbage I had picked up along the way. Heavy-ass, stinky, gross, icky garbage. And getting to, oh wow, I can actually choose my thoughts? (like allow myself to be honest and raw with myself, filter and then choose gratitude instead. Or choose positive affirmations. Or choose chanting a mantra. Or going deeply into what that mantra means. I mean damn bruh, mantra magic, is all I can say about that.) 

I can chose my emotions?!? Yaa, I mean I get it, my emotions were legit like a runaway train for me, for most of my life. From again, tonnes of self-work and blessed people pointing at things, illuminating ideas, facilitating real healing....I grew to inner-stand the energy involved in e-motions....simply energy-in-motion. And from dedicated work in early childcare, I learnt that all behaviour is communication. So although I felt ashamed, embarrassed and dejected with how I lost control of my emotions back then...viewing it from various angles, with a compassionate lens, I was able to inner-stand why I was "acting" that way, and I began to understand what the intelligence of my own emotions were pointing at. Like, "hey, look over here, I'm hurt and ignored" my traumatized inner-child would say to me, for example. Not literally but once I did go layer by layer, following the thought-patterns, I would get to the root & I would clear as day become aware that, for example, my inner child felt abandoned so basically that's why I was raging out or crying almost everyday. That my inner child never felt like enough and felt worthless. These are all very powerful inner discoveries to come to terms with. Basically touching your own true heart. And man, it hurt like a mother! The flood-gates were open then, and the real process of healing began for me. And doing the important work of forgiving myself, taking full accountability as an adult for my behavior, my words, my tone, my body language, my actions. Even though I had good intentions most of the time, my rage feelings got the best of me & the aftermath meant that the people closest to me, were hurt.

So, not cool. Not at all what I wanted from life & for sure, not what I wanted from my relationships. I took a good hard look at each of my intimate relationships & asked my self my true intentions, my true feelings, my un-dealt pain with this person. And truly envisioning the real relationship I deeply want with each person. For example, with my Mum, my Papa, each of my Sisters, each of my Friends, my Cat lol.

Yup a lot of work, but to me so so so incredibly worth it, if, like me, you want to end toxic relationship cycles that you were a part of creating and maintaining. Let's be real, it takes 2 to tango, 2 to play that ping pong game eh? Unless your a child, then yes, completely forgive yourself please. And as an adult, please do remind yourself, you did the best with what you knew, at the time. If I had known better, in my 20s, I definitely would have done better. In a way, in some key areas, I was set up to fail. But then the same applies to the generation before and before them, all were doing the best with what they knew. Also, I keep in mind, nothing was stopping me from going to library y'all and trying to improve myself. Instead of what I did, which was dig myself an even deeper and darker hole, while planting more weeds that were sucking the very life force from me! Lol. Bit much?Well, that's sure what it felt like anyway.  Compartmentalized, having fun, then deeply depressed etc. I'm sure many can relate.

So, I simply put down my ping pong paddle. Yes, I would falter and still do, but I am much better at catching myself and saying wait, what? What is happening here? I don't want to play this game yo. Everyone's feelings are valid but I will no longer continue to get trapped in a useless & seemingly endless & f'n infuriating & f'n draining back & forth with this person. Perhaps this is part of the nature of incarning here. In is Prison/School/Hell/Experiment??  I dunno what to call it. I do know I am not a victim anymore. I have moved into more of a conscious choice maker, or co-creater...at the very least I do feel I have for sure moved into "the neutral zone." Which for me, these days, translates to blissful peacefulness, mmmmm. 

Let's be clear though, I am having this human experience, as a human, I am far from being saint-like or bodhisatva-ish, nor do I wish to be. I simply enjoy and treasure the simple things here and do my best to be kind to myself and to others. Which brings me back to, yeah man, you absolutely can choose your emotions. Once you've decoded what your emotions are trying to tell you...then you get the fun work of alchemy, however that looks for you. 

I do need to add, a lot of damage was done, by my adult-self from basically my 20s to my late 30s. I'm in my mid-40s now. So, that means my intimate relations do not change overnight. Re-building the trust I broke, the bridges I basically burned, (I mean they are responsible for whatever hurtful things from their side), but again, I move into forgiveness, compassion, clearly communicating my needs, my requests and so on. My loved ones are not bloody mind-readers right? So, I continue to gently work on re-pairing those relationships that are dear to me. I think otherwise, what's the point? I refuse to go on pretending or having a fake relationship. Take me as I am, and I'll do my best to understand and respect your choices and accept you as you are. Love you as you are. (Unless someone is being downright abusive or simply not getting that there is something coming from them that is simply out of line. Then yaa, I will speak up. Still, it is their choice what they do with that. I move on. Journal. Pray. Ain't nobody got time for that ish. I got bigger fish to fry. Lol)

With true inner-discernment, I would like to address the added layers of Naivety, Over-Confidence, lack of self-preservation, lack of self-care, lack of true humility.... 

Again, all frequency, like tuning to a radio station or tuning a piano or guitar. If somethings is out of alignment, then we ain't making music y'all. It's all just bloody static eh? So tune into a proper channel ya? Just to put it in the simplest most basic terms possible. 

Yes, many people are struggling, in ways others could never even come close to imagining. Like addictions, the death/loss of a loved one, a terminal illness, chronic pain, severe depression, actual warfare, domestic violence, special needs, being the caretaker of others who need support, extreme poverty, loneliness, abuse... I mean the list goes on and on. 

My point here is, let's not spiritual bypass. Serious problems, call for serious loving interventions. Straight up. You never know what kinds of help are readily available to you if you don't ask for it, if you don't take actions, make choices to seek that help out. While also feeling these things out, asking questions kindly, gently probing the people, places and things they are doing. So that you hopefully do not get sucked into a toxic cult, or toxic people, like NXIM or something. Ofcourse, sometimes we need to go thru things to learn to stay away from them. Like that child, who you tell, don't touch the stove, it's hot, but they just gotta touch that stove, and be like oh, ouch that IS hot. Lol 

Well, I've been there, in my own way, and my family and others tried to help me but I was, ...on some level I guess,... determined to hit rock bottom.    And they were just sad, like watching a horrific car crash in super slow motion. 

Sometimes, some of us, need to go all the way down I guess. I don't know, perhaps all part of the journey, just happy to have "gotten out." With help, but really nobody can get you out, except yourself. Out of your own self-made prison, I suppose. No fault of your own, when it comes right down to it and all the contributing factors likely from some majorly overwhelming and traumatic experiences. I think it is kind of empowering, like, hey, if I designed this maze of sadness maybe I now design a beautiful path, a garden of self-love etc. 

So yaa, back to discernment, guess this one is a biggie for me. It's definetely about developing the ability to view a one thing from multiple perspectives. Inner-tuning, cleaning, clearing, purification, empty your cup, create space. inner and outer world.

What continues to help me, is a mostly drama-free style, play continues, I enjoy getting into the nooks & crannies, like a good little nerd. Trusting my most high self, my own true nature. Asking myself, does this resonate with me? Does this empower or disempower me? Does this bring me joy? Are there foreseeable painful consequences (there is unavoidable pain and avoidable pain, I think). What also helps me, is not taking myself or others so seriously. Life teaches me, this is all temporary, changes, like the seasons of life. But I am not temporary and my true self does not change. Accepting others for who they are. Most of the time, their business is none of my business lol. Plus I'm clearly busy with my own self-study, helping others who are truly asking and open to my help. Which is not really help, it's simply their higher self saying to my higher self, "hey, I can't find my flashlight" & I'm like, "there it is" & they're like "oh, wow, thanks I can see these things a lot better now."  Lol.

I really feel it's all part of the journey. At the end of the day, none of it really matters if you don't have a solid foundation of genuine self-respect. I personally would rather invest 10 years of devoted, honest self investigation on the reality of my own degree of self-respect than try to " make" (insert well-meaning distraction here.) .....I have found boundless resources on this one thing alone. Gently consistently asking yourself questions, write it down, phrase it in different ways, use different colored pens for mentally emotionally physically and spiritually. simply write the question, close your eyes, connect with your breath, turn inward, and record whatever comes up. 

Often you may surprise yourself. Allow whatever emotions to surface. Mainly keep the flow of gentle q&a until you have emptied your cup. Leave a couple of blank pages. Come back to it in a couple of days or 1 week. Continue the exercise. Leave it alone for about 1 month to 3 months. Lovingly observe yourself during this time in your relationship with yourself, how you treat yourself, how you talk to yourself, with what kinds of emotional charge, what automatic record-player patterns do you notice? Are they Positive, Negative or Neutral? Simply does it Serve my Highest Self? Or Does it Not Serve my Highest Self? Compassionately observe yourself in relation to your direct environment. Your bedroom, yours areas of home, alter/mandir, clothing, how you play with space, cleanliness, organization, fun/joy, your car, your garden or plants. Your storage spaces, your junk drawer, then expand a little out to your car or modes of transportation, your purse, wallet, gym bag. Your grocery store environment, your exercise environment, your nature environment, then expand more to your family and friends environments/quality of relationships. Then expand to your work or your purpose-driven/passion-work environment. Your co-workers. Then expand to the outskirts of your environments such as when you travel, the city or town or village you live in, the province or state, the country, the earth. Your relation to all these different environments, how you fit or don't fit or want to be and how you want to operate in those spaces. Your hobbies and interests are in there somewhere too. It's all a loving view, of What is the quality and type of relationship you have with your own environment & in regards to an honest view of where you are at with your own genuine self-respect.

There are no wrong answers. Simply bringing your own witnessing presence is the most powerful technique. Acts as drano, loosening things up, removing and washing away gunk, crap, illusion and that which truly and simply, no longer serves your highest self.